20 November 2007
Subject: Dogs Bark at Me Because I'm Beautiful...


For Mitch and John,
Because of what you said yesterday.
And to that little yapping dog that ran up to me on the beach last night,
Because he was a little devil.

(unedited)


---Dogs bark at me because I am beautiful.
-----Oh?
---They say "Hau hau hau how are you so beautiful?" and I tell them "It's because I'm wearing my eyes!"
-----Why did they bark at you before?
---Probably because of my fear.
-----I see.
---But now I've put my eyes back in, I've set them right and softened them and now I am beautiful and can see it.
-----Where were they before?
---The gargoyles were using them.
-----…the… Gorgons?
---Dunno, it's so hard to keep track of where I leave them.
-----And now?
---Now I'm smiling because my eyes are soft and wide and can take it all in properly. And let it all out.
-----…
---There are two of them!
-----Yes. You're catching on.
---…
-----…
---…
-----You came to China to kill yourself, didn't you?
---Yes.
-----Are you doing a good job of it?
---Egos die hard, but I'm making a valiant effort.
-----Did you think it would be different if you accompanied yourself to some other place?
---I wanted to do this alone-- it's easier when no one is watching.
-----Then why do you persist in reaching out?
---Because I love them.
-----Oh? How can you tell?
---Because they inspire me.
-----So you would remove yourself from their lives?
---I'm still right here!
-----And those who communicate by touch?
---My body?!
-----It's not irrelevant!
---Yes, you're right.
-----Sssshhh.
---Hmm?
-----Shhhh—the waves.
---I'm right here with my body. I can rejoice in myself!
-----Ssssh! Enough about your body. It's irrelevant.
---Yes… you're right.
-----Stop agreeing with me!
---I'm sorry.
-----Don't apologize!
---I'm-- I… but I'm the speaker and you're the listener!
-----Now that you put your eyes back in, it's about time!
---Time for what?
-----Time for all of it.
---I've always known all of this.
-----You've always been presumptuous, yes.
---I've been this surface all the while and they just put dents in me and shape me.
-----Who, now?
---All of them.
-----You're losing it.
---Not fast enough!
-----Why are there storms?
---Huh?
-----They ask you to speak on storms.
---Mm… storms just are-- that is the nature of things.
-----Explain storms or I'll kill your guru ass!
---Uh! Storms are to bring about change with their chaos.
-----Evasion!!!
---Storms are… to give the calm something to live for.
-----There can be calm without squalls.
---Hm, how would you know? Can you know happiness without contrast?
-----Tell me the real reason.
---There are no reasons. They just happen and you can't control them and that is the way of things.
-----Do you fear windlessness?
---Hah, that would never happen!
-----Some days there is no wind.
---No-- all days I create and live my own wind with my breath.
-----Ah, this is wise-- let out your storm in small gusts.
---You are also very wise, but we know nothing.
-----We know the right questions to ask.
---Oh?
-----What would you ask of me?
---What do you want from me?
-----Show me how to use your eyes.
---Here, just here, take this, there are two of them.
-----They're not barking at you, you know.
---What?
-----The dogs. They're not barking at you. It's me they've sensed this whole time.